Our Story Part 3 The Proposal

Part 3 The Proposal

Pulling into the driveway I felt an overwhelming feeling of Déjà Vu and mentioned this to Cory. I asked where his mother's truck was and he blew it off and as I went to climb out of the massive diesel truck I laughed at the thought of being pregnant one day and getting out of there. I followed him up the walkway towards the house, walking as if I were 9 months pregnant and asking him if he would still love me if I was like that… he looked right at me and told me he would and I joked back and said only if he looked me straight in my eyes and nowhere else. He affirmed he would love me no matter what I lookrd like.  He then opened a door to the house and I walked in and a few things registered immediately…

Wedding Story Part 2:The Unexpected Day

THE UNEXPECTED DAY

Arriving in Texas I was nervous, I thought I was going to die from a heart attack. I still had anxiety and fears even though I had got to know them soo well... what if they realize I am just a regular girl. Not this crafty cake baking, room mom being, Cory loving, photoshopping fool that Cory made me out to be.... but a shorter than they thought, prettier in pictures, always lost for words (always using the wrong pronunciation of words) girl who says "Golly" too much. Well.... long story short, first meeting went great at the airport and my nerves eased over time. This only was so smooth because his parents are some of the most genuine, unique, generous and open minded people I have ever encountered. They listened to me babble and asked questions to keep me babbling. Better than awkward silence, I hope. I learned in one day that most everything I love about Cory comes right from them.

Rhonda is funny, she tells jokes and is very outgoing. I almost began to think that I was meant to have met his mother in this way because she brought to me such great gifts of spiritual guidance that she needed some light hearted characteristics to ease the emotion that stirred in me at times. If you have ever read “Eat Love Pray”, she is my guru, or what I imagine one to be like. She is so funny and very witty. She knows how to lighten the mood or even make me think deeper. Cory has this side of him I could listen to forever. She also is a great listener; she honestly listens to what you say and enjoys conversating and learning more about you. One of Cory's best qualities is that he wants to know everything about me, like the Rascal Flatts song Broken Road. As for his father, he is a gentle natured man who doesn't care for tattoos and loves to ride motorcycles. I was surprised with how sweet his demeanor is, I just imagined more authority and machoness, I mean, Cory has a side of him that I know he did NOT get from his father... after meeting Rick, I figured Cory must have picked that up in the Coast Guard. His badboyside I call it, which has a certain appeal to it as well. The things I know he got from his father are the very things that separate Cory from every other man I have ever come across. The honesty he offers is pleasing, because my past experiences make it hard to tell if I am being told the truth. But when you talk to someone and they show you their soul, with their details and eye contact… with the kindness in their voice and the soft smiles on their face, I know what the truth sounds like now. Hearing truth and never questioning it is refreshing. The thing that makes him tell me 'I have tears too' and the part of him that is tender and his drive to provide for his family. I can't explain it other than, they are humbled and not full of pride, they know love and give themselves to it mind body and soul and they look at you with the most honest faces and they glow with a love for life. Rick candidly told me stories of him growing up and being a father to Cory... watching him tell me such personal information made me feel soo welcomed and I knew that he was vesting his time with me because he did accept me. Cory tells me stories of his life the same way... how amazing I get to be told stories, if even the same ones over and over for the rest of my life. Feeling that someone thinks I am worthy their time to share their personal thoughts and memories with is a feeling of great satisfaction and gives me a happiness I never knew existed. Kimmee, Cory’s little sister was like a little sidekick I never had. She would sit right beside me and put her head on my shoulder while she typed, play with my hair or even ask me over and over to watch a movie with her (which I can’t believe I never didß------ Golly! Sorry Kimmee)! She is just one of the sweetest and most innocent girls I have ever met and I feel I have this duty to protect her from the world, just like her brother does… but all little girls grow up and Kimmee is almost 15. She just is everything you’d want in a daughter, a sister or even a babysitter (hmmmm, I already am getting her ready!LOL)

Okay, so back to the proposal right? LOL...

Okay, real quick, when I first arrived at the house Rhonda brought me into a room in the house I have labeled the Heirloom room. It’s reminds me of a family museum full of christening gowns from grandparents, a thread table from her grandmother full of her grandmother and mother’s own spools of thread. Glassware, dishes and babyshoes… it is truly a room with a warm rich feeling of family and history. More importantly, it represents love and love of her family. I LOVED that room the moment I first saw it and am POSITIVE I too someday will have a Heirloom room, even if it’s just my grandmother’s apron hanging next to my grandfather’s MASH shirt, Cory’s pa’s pictures and other stuff we collect over the years. I want family history, I need that, I want to have that. How special for her to show me this room… I never knew what part it would later play in my life. One of my best memories in my life would take place in that very room, I just didn’t have any idea while everyone else did.

I don’t want to spoil it, so let me get back on track.

Wedding Story Part 1: The leadup

The proposal story that I promise was incredibly PERFECT. Here it goes:

Ok, let me first give you some background on me. I am a person who REALLY loves family heirlooms. Even if it hasn't been passed down before, I am on a constant mission to hold on to writings and items that I feel my children can have when they are older. I don't have much from any of my family due to nearly ALL of our items being contaminated by lead and asbestos in 2002 due to a fraudulant contractor. That being said, I use to have stuff, lots of stuff that belonged to my grandmother and her mother and so on.... but today, I am lucky to have my health and that of my children. I have a GREAT apprication for family heirlooms and that greatly multiplied with the GREAT NOTHING of 2003 (Think Neverending Story, Meets Nanny McPhee, Meets Fire Marshall Bill).

So, through my early friendship, flirting, dating and then seriously dating stages with Cory he got to know how important these things all were to me. Thought I did NOT know that he really listened to my rambling until the day he proposed to me. I mean, really, how many times does he care to hear that I wear my grandmother's old apron when I bake cakes or that I think him growing up and sleeping in the same bed his father sleep in as a child is the neatest thing ever (that let me add his Grandfather BUILT!). 

Ok, Ok, this leads somewhere, stay with me....

So, since we had been friends since September 2007, began dating November 2007 a trip to meet the family seemed like a good idea. We had discussed all the normal things new couples do, marriage, children, becoming the Brady Bunch and of course the possibility of going broke and insane if we continued our relationship. Well, our true compatibility, love of eachother, support of eachother as individuals and our desire to shut our eyes, put our hands in one anothers and say... "Take me there", lead to plan a trip to EL Paso to meet the family. Now I was of course TERRIFED. The thought of 24 year old Cory L. Yates, first born and only son to Rick and Rhonda Yates, never married, no children bringing his divorced, 29 year old girlfriend who has had 3 children home to "meet the parents" was, at first, the worse thing I could ever imagine. I mean, sure, I had talked to him mom via email a bit and even to his sisters over email.... but for him to BRING me to Texas? Um, I almost felt like a stray dog that he wanted to know if he could keep - AT FIRST. I agreed and the 2 months that went by to meeting the parents and sisters, I developed individual relationships with Rhonda (Cory's Mom), Kimmee (His Little Sister) and Katie (His Older Little Sister). Honestly, between emails, text messaging and occassional phone calls, within 2 months I knew I would not be looked at like the scruffy dog who needed a bath, but one AKC with papers and who came with 3 bonus dogs with papers as well. The kids had their own showdog talents that sold them. It was a long two months, but I can't believe you can get to know someone without ever meeting them face to face.

Ok, one more thing and then the proposal....

So, I stuck it out through a patrol using only email (which is often delayed) and occassional telephone conversations for 9 weeks, spent tons of time with Cory without kids, with kids, with crazy kids, with kids that threw fits and kids that just needed to be loved.  WE work together, seperated by his job, after long days at work or days with no sleep. We knew how to communicate our feelings, our questions, our concerns, our needs, our wants and our goals.... we also knew how to give support, guidance, understanding and the occasssional shoulder to cry on when needed. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, he told me the same, but I promise I in NO WAY imagined at this point he would be ready, I thought after... after the parents met me, once they stamped their approval on my forhead, then maybe he would be ready to dig deep in his soul for the answers to the big questions.... "Can he commit himself to me AND my children FOREVER?", "Does he understand and want the responsibilities of being a stepfather" and "Is he sure I am the one"... then of course he has to save and invest in a ring and offer the commitment of his life to me and my 3 children.  We work, the kids love him, I love him, he loves the kids, he loves me and we love what we have together, so we went to Texas.

Random Writing: Queen of the Roach Lodge

I wanted to investigate my insect phobia I have suffered from since I was a child and have realized that there is soo much history.  I am always asked, “WHy are you so scared of bugs?” and I always say “I don‘t know, I just can‘t handle the thought of them.”  I am tired of having fears in my life with no sensible reason and through some soul searching and thinking back to extremely early memories, I have found the reason for my fear of insects, whether a butterfly, ant of beetle… I physically cannot handle the thought of them to a point that I scream, run and hit myself in the head to get the image out of my head.

So I am thinking to bugs and where this phobia began I came to a thought of being on the front of a power boat and a 20 minutes for them to find me in the woods…. I was soo scared.

Again, I had to think fhuge dragon fly being spread across my face.  I remember grabbing it to rip it off of my face and feeling it’s hard shelled body and sticky wings. I remember the panic and the need to scrub my hands as hard as possible to eliminate the feeling of it’s body in my palm.  But at that point I was already terrified.  Earlier I thought of when my little brother collected rolly pollies and stuffed them in my 3 year old sister’s underwear and she freaked out and I couldn’t help her because I was too scared to touch them.  I felt like such a failure, I just ran… my mother was soo mad at me for not helping her and just running.  But still, I knew that it had to have been further back.  Maybe to thinking of visiting my grandmother’s house and occasionally a huge water bug would be around and one time one went up her silk pajama leg and she screamed soo loud and I stay clenched to the stairwell refusing to go with her to the kitchen for a drink.  Earlier… hmm, a man told me he had a surprise for me and put his hand out to reveal a dragonfly perched as if he were a pirate and his new friend would do tricks.  I ran away and it took urther back, to my first thoughts of bugs and remember the house where it all started at.  The place where I would call home for about 3 years when I was 4 till about 6.  Roaches were everywhere at all given times, on the counters while we ate our lunch, on the walls while we took our baths and even on couch as we watched our morning cartoons.  You could not look around our 4 room apartment without signs of them, watching us, waiting for us to fall asleep. Some might have thought they were gathering for a group orgy like some Venetian Carnival while us humans slept and the sun was down.  That seems reasonable, now, I guess.  Others maybe thought that they were nocturnal and since our dishes loved to sit in the sink, we basically held a sign that said “Free Buffet, Bon Appétit”.   But, being 4,  I thought I knew the truth about why every roach in the world would turn my kitchen floor into a black moving carpet…. See I watched The Flintstones and Fred belonged to the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos #26.  No women allowed and they always talked about very private things that I could never understand. So, I imagined that my kitchen was the Water Buffalo Lodge or maybe I should say the Roach Lodge where they were plotting an attack.  Yes, a huge attack.  For anyone who watched 300, imagine them, all gathering and being these well trained roach machines. Ready to chew and  take the long march to the ultimate battle.  Ready to chew through, scurry up and jump over to their ultimate goal.  Because believe it or not, they were done with the constant threat and after thinking night after night of what they were gathering for, it occurred to me that it was me.   All 40 lbs of my 4 year old body was their topic and how to cover me, jab my skin with their wire legs and go down my throat to murder me was their goal.  I hated every time I put my shoes on, thinking that they were hiding right where my toes would be, imagining them wanting to race around my toes and drive me insane.  I resorted to only wearing jellies, I could see in the jellies.  I was their ultimate goal, I knew this, and my ultimate goal was to survive.  I knew that though I had not told my mother of their existence, the constant threat that I could at anytime tell my mother they could not handle. They knew to keep their secret meeting place to honor the Roach God and take over the world they would have to eliminate me, as it would only take a few quick words to my mother and their existence would be gone.  So, it was me that every night for years, laid in a bed, wrapped with my blankets as tight as I could get them, with my little breathing hole so I did not die from lack of oxygen with only enough light to see if they entered my hole to survival.  Night after night of waiting for the attack was too much for a 4 year old to handle and it only got worse as the years went on.  Night after night of being force to run to the bathroom so I did not pee my bed and to turn on the bathroom light and remind them that yes, I still knew. My little bare feet had to tip toe around them on the floor, just hoping they did not run up my legs or worse yet, be in the toilet while I relieved myself.  I would pee soo fast and hold it for as long as possible, every night, terrified of one day having them attack me in areas I couldn’t even see yet.

When I was 5, I watched the movie Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  I learned a lot from that movie.  I learned about sacrifices and found that the army would send them to me occasionally to gain strength.  They would kill their own just to pull power from the Roach God.  Their ruler, who I imagined to be larger than me and live inside the wall, would tell them to threaten me at all cost.  Because believe it or not, after that movie, brave suicidal troopers would come to my drinks and jump in.  Kill themselves just to prove a point that they exist. I thought that the brave ones knew if I would choke on their bodies it is worth the loss of their life because they would eliminate the enemy.  There was even a bug scene in the movie that was soon to be my visional hell… because up until this point I could only imagine roaches planning to kill me.  But with my exposure to the Temple of Doom, I knew that there was more than roaches, but others that would join in and help to remove the threat. 

I spent 2 more years, waiting and keeping the secret that we hosted the meeting of the roach world’s greatest oldest members in my Ocean View apartment.  I never told my mother about them, I never told anyone until now.  Looking back to how I thought as a child and why I am hysterical when I see a bug makes me laugh, I mean, my mom had to know right? 

My First Entry.... Here it goes.

I am an amateur in the blogging world, but do enjoy the history keeping that it allows. Please just print the whole blog out once you think between 3 kids, 3 jobs, a fiance, planning a wedding and time to write in this thing becomes to much and I need to be commited to a mental home. I think this blog will be a new start as the future Mrs. Cory Yates and my journey of unfortunate events of how I will get there. So.... be prepared for my ups, downs and all arounds. My days of ranting or exaggeration. Or the days that I wish I could go to Australia or Antarctica, because it's colder and I sometimes think I deserve nothing more than a jail issued blanket and vitamins.

My Disclosure:

What you may experience may cause you emotions not previously felt or expected. These may vary from light nausea, to chuckling laughter (directed at me) or the occasional eye bludging from reading a bad word or two. You may find that my random thinking and out of the box rationalization clash with your own opinions or even that of every other human on the face of the earth... feel free to stop stalking me and move on to chatrooms to satisfy your boredom. Often I have opinions that change like the seasons or just by Cory having me try something.... but regardless, be prepared to love me, but hate that I am grammatically incorrect, am a horrible speller and often don't know what the "H" "E" "Double Toothpicks" I am saying.... now on to the show.